I had a day of spring cleaning this week where I swept the steps, defrosted the freezer, cleaned the algae off the aquarium and reorganized all the food in the cabinets. I was pretty pleased with myself. I am still working on organizing my room. I need to make a trip to Buffalo Exchange to try to sell them things that hopefully they will want to buy.
Ashley and I went to fabric row and got, you know, fabric to make our fanny pack-ish backpack and purse replacements for summertime bike riding. They are pretty cool though I liked hers better so I just used come of her remaining fabric to make myself a matching one. We were waiting until I got a zipper, which I did today during my lunch break, to take photos. Mine is all done now and maybe we'll take some tomorrow. They loop through our belts and are big enough to hold a camera, phone, chapstick, monies and ids, or, alternately, one small book. I really don't know how often I will wear it cause I'm sort of self conscious about making fashion statements, and this is something I would call one of those, but making it was fun enough that it will be worthwhile even if I never use it once. I will definitely use it at least once.
I am thinking about not finishing my VISTA year. I don't know if it is realistically helping me work towards any sort of goals that I have, and if it's not making me particularly happy either, what's the point? It's not that bad of a job at all and I get the impression that I am supposed to settle for a job that's 'not that bad' but I'd like to think there's more to it than this. Nor do I really feel like I am making a difference to people--currently at PW the VISTAs are doing taxes which is a direct service and therefore not one we are even supposed to be involved in. VISTA is about capacity building, creating things that will last after we are gone, and this tax stuff is pretty temporary. Lately I've been doing taxes and other people's busy work. I don't know. This isn't something I am stressed out about, it is just a seed of a thought.
It doesn't really matter, I'll go where you feel
Home for the breeze, get a midnight meal
I'll point in the windows, you point out the parks
Rip off your sleeves and I'll ditch my socks
Dance to the songs from the cars as they pass
Weave through the cardboard, smell that trash
Walkin' around in our summertime clothes
Know where to go where our bodies go
And we'll breath the dawn in its morning blues
With purple yawns, you'll be sleeping soon
And I want to walk around with you
1 comment:
I don't know if this will help, but I'm going to respond anyway since we are going through similar experiences job wise (or, at least, the similarity being AmeriCorps).
I definitely got to that point four months ago where I threw my hands up, cried hysterically and announced I wanted to quit City Year. The middle of the year around December was my hardest time to get through. I felt like everything I was doing was worth nothing. That I wasn't helping anyone and especially not the organization or my peers.
I think if you stick with it, you can get through this period. My turning point came at Martin Luther King Day. I had put all this hard work into the event we planned and it went fantastic.
I know taxes aren't very exciting, but it might be interesting to see what your job will be like after tax season is over.
I would really encourage you to stick it out for at least another month. If you still don't like it then reconsider. It was literally a month between me wanting to seriously quit and my epiphany that it was worth something.
Additionally, for your own future it may be to your benefit to stick it out, especially if you plan on working another job in national service or with AmeriCorps. Sure, you may not like it now. In the words of my development director, "You have to pay your dues." Once you get through this year, I think you'll find a lot of doors opening for you. That has been my experience so far in looking for jobs for July after City Year ends.
Anyway, if you ever feel frustrated with the whole national service thing, give me a call. I am often frustrated as well.
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