just give me a suitcase and i'll promise to not look back

i am always trying to think of really good ways to explain myself to people and i spend all this time and energy making metaphors and the person i am explaining is often just waiting for me to stop talking. it's the most frustrating thing.

so is being dicked over by people and then expected to immediately forgive and forget when they decide to get over themselves and, maybe, start missing me. i can't keep doing that.

i hate to be a negative nancy.

i was thinking, when i made the decision to make this silly blog that might as well be a livejournal, that it would be weird to have to sort of censor what i am saying because anyone can read it. then i was thinking, maybe i shouldn't do that. honesty is good, and maybe if i want to say, "i got mad at so and so because she came to see me and disappeared with a boy til morning" that's okay. so and so should know i'm pretty mad at her, no use hiding it. we'll see if i actually ever do that. actually, i would like to have a blog that isn't personal, but is rather about something, projects, ideas, interesting things. creations. recipes. i'm not sure. at this weird point in my life, though, i am making a personal blog, so there is something left of the days that are passing, even if it is digital. not that experiences aren't also left of the passing days. i like things that are tangible. maybe thats why i prefer memories to be photographed. i like long-distance relationships to involve at least frequent phone conversations. i don't know.

i got back from the beach with my family a few days ago. i spent an interesting few days in ocean city with my dad, my brothers, the girlfriends of my two younger brothers, and my youngest brother's best friend. it was a lot of people to live in a hotel room with. we had a lot of fun though, at the beach and being silly and eating too much food.

then i went to glen rock, which is always fun and i sort of wish i had grown up there, maybe, though i do love the mountaintop woodsiness, i always wanted neighbors and a bike-ridable terrain when i was young. and, pretty much, still.

today i made peach jam and canned peaches with my gram with a bushel of peaches we got on our way back from the shore. they are beautiful and delicious. then i helped my aunt trim her hedges and do other yardwork. she let me borrow this book that i actually got for her called "1,000 places to see before you die." i am interested in the balloon festival in Albuquerque. i would also like to see a tornado someday, unrelated to hot air balloons.

this is making me want to move to a farm in wisconsin.

vhs tapes borrowed from the library to keep me satisfied in the next week:
seven years in tibet
annie hall
citizen kane
bonnie and clyde
i have only seen annie hall before. last week i got mighty ducks which we watched on the way to ocean city. that was also satisfying and made us all want to ice skate and play hockey.

i am looking into selling my plasma. also, temp agencies.