not really a party more of a get together

today has been sort of trying.

I spend a lot of time trying to be, or, dare I say being, independent.  Not to sound like beyonce, but you know, I moved here and I had to make friends and put myself in mildly uncomfortable situations and become bolder and blah blah blah and then I did and I do something fun almost every night so as to avoid being a regular tired miserable 9-5 working adult.  I'm always planning for the next fun activity and excited about the smallest plans, but this weekend was weird and today I got hit with a million pounds of tired.  Not like, Oh man I'm having so much fun that I need to take it easy.  Just all of a sudden I wanted to lay on my bed with Ivy and watch a movie in my pajamas.  I am sick of having to get dressed to go out.  Of caring how I look, I guess.  And it's so cold out.  And I don't mind spending $3 for a movie or $4 for bowling but free activities are often more fun.  I miss the comfort of old friends.  New friends are great, but I can't be as comfortable around them.  I guess to put it simply I just miss having support.  Someone who is always on my side.  I'm sick of always having to introduce people and worry that they won't get along.  I'm sick of people who have to put people down because of their own insecurities.  Sick of negativity, this blog post.  Sick of alpha males.  Sick of worrying where other people wouldn't.  And I am so fucking sick of getting parking tickets.  I swear the PPA is making shit up because they know my car is always here with no permit and you can't really argue with parking tickets.

On Friday I went to that Titan House show.  Kevin Dowell showed up out of nowhere and gave me whiskey and I stopped remembering things.  Whatever, I had lots of fun (I remember that much) and was with wonderful and trustworthy people.  I slept so late on Saturday and messed up my eye by sleeping in my contact.  I think it has just today recovered and turned white again.  I went to a show at the Mew Gallery where I didn't know they had shows.  It was actually an art opening and you should check it out because this guy's paintings are really cool. There were a lot of pretty girls there and mostly they had really long hair and I was kicking myself for giving up my previous quest for long hair. I had been doing so well but between like four inches and ten inches is a really annoying time. I like seeing bands with girls in them, also, and all three of the bands at this show had girls. It was the sort of thing I would have been really into the idea of before I moved to Philly.  I would have liked it better if I wasn't there alone.

I keep offering to do taxes outside of work.  I don't mind, but I do think it is funny since I used to dread them so much.  I am over that.

On the upside:

spring is coming, some day

$400 in food stamps is coming, probably like tomorrow

home this Saturday to pick up some things and hug the puppy and go to Rob's birthday party and hopefully carpool there/back with cool kids

Harvest of Hope is coming.  That deserves its own blog post.

I can't believe the complete lack of photos on here anymore.  It's sort of weird to whip out a camera when you're hanging out with newer friends.  I still have some shyness obstacles to overcome.

it was a birthday gift of a mexican telecaster that from this day on i will play along to all my young pioneers records. and there will be a poetry spoken silently between me and the stereo. i'll work mornings and you can work through the night. mary, there is no hope for us. if this gm van don't make it across the state line we might as well lay down and die. because if florida takes us, we're taking everyone down with us. where we're coming from (yeah) will be the death us. and i cannot help but hold on to a handful of times when what was spoken was a revolution in itself, and what we were doing was the only thing that mattered. and how good it felt to kill the memory of nights spent holding your shirt for the smell. i heard you used to cry when you made love to him, but this band will play on. because all we can do is what we've always done. and on and on and on and on and on