neighborhood #1

I just started to think about Ursinus and about how it's almost time for everyone to go back. And all of a sudden I missed it so much my stomach hurts.
I have this flash of memory every time I think of Ursinus. I am walking across the lawn near Pfahler towards Wicks. The air is cool and some crunchy leaves are on the ground. I have a feeling of total contentment. Like I just finished my last class of the day and I'm walking home to hang out with Ivy and Alex for a little bit before going to eat dinner with every single one of my friends. I walked across that lawn a thousand times towards Wicks or Art House or Zwingli and this memory isn't any specific event. Just a memory of a feeling.
My other memory of Ursinus that always comes back right away is being huddled under a blanket in the middle of the night with Johnny near the steps of Pfahler right after his 19th birthday. I gave him a red camera and we half-heartedly tried to light some mulch on fire because the air was so cold but we met halfway. The Arcade Fire ran through my head. We sat like that for maybe an hour or two, an hour or two out of four years there. But it always sticks out.Two more years and I won't know a single student at Ursinus and it will be different entirely than what I remember. But I do miss the place immensely. I miss the smell of the library and sitting at a table with books and papers and a computer to distract me and familiar faces passing by all the time. I miss locking up my bike in a hurry and running into a poetry class sweaty and very nearly late. I miss the sun streaming through the transparent ceiling at the antique market down the street. I miss the blossoming trees in the springtime and how excited we all got when the weather warmed up the slightest bit; everyone would try to sit outside in the first sunny days of spring but it would still be freezing and so many of the benches are made of cold stone. University-style. I miss running up the stairs of BWC.
I am no longer as sure of anything as I was in those days. I hope you know what I mean. Because in those days, I wasn't actually sure of much at all. But the thing was, I didn't need to be.

Am I this aching for summer when it is winter? Probably. But right now I want to put on a beanie and a coat and walk to Wismer with my hands in my pockets, laughing.

then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow